Mr. Bill George Presents

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My Genius Idea

In Comedy, Technology on May 12, 2009 at 11:59 PM

So the other night I was struck with what could possibly be a fantastic, albeit ridiculous, idea. It all started when I had knocked back a few with some friends in what can only be described as a colloquial situation. We were sitting around playing the mini-games found within Pokemon Stadium 2 for Nintendo 64 when I felt my proverbial “seal” start to break. So, after the round was over, I made my way to our fetid bathroom.

What happened from then on is what you might expect to happen, I prepped, aimed and let loose my swollen bladder. But as I coated the inside of the bowl with my lemon stream I was stricken with said genius idea.

Now picture a product, a product that is thin, adhesive on one side, battery powered (maybe solar though, gotta go green after all), waterproof, touch sensitive, and that contours to one half of the inside of your toilet bowl. Now the device is segmented into 8-10 touch sensitive columns, all programmed with a different musical note to play whenever the touch-sensitive pad is “interacted” with. Basically what I’m getting at is a touch sensitive abomination of a keyboard that you stick in your toilet bowl and piss on for entertainment. Wouldn’t that be great?

At first thought I was amazed that my mind had percolated such an idea and wondered why I hadn’t seen anything like it. Surely this is something that would be seen on the shelves of your local Spencers.

However, upon further thought, I started to see the flaws inherent in the idea. It is possible that such a device would promote excessive splattering, be seen as ridiculous, and/or would leave customers dissatisfied when they had to change the batteries (not if it was solar powered though!)?

No product is without its flaws, however, and knowing that I can say that I would feel confident in my purchase of a “Pee-Board” (patent pending) for use in my bathroom. Now would you readers (women urinators excluded sadly) feel a sense of glee if whenever you peed you made sweet, beautiful melodies? Or would you shake your head in maturity?

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Fake Guns: Menace to Society?

In Society on April 26, 2009 at 6:33 AM

A few days ago I was with some friends when a somewhat troubling notion struck me, though it is easiest explained by relating the actual events of the day.

So on this day me, my friend Jack, and my friend Angela were driving to the jolly ol’ land of taco bell. While driving, my friend Jack (in the passenger seat) stretched his hand out the window and formed a fake gun with his hand, tracking someone walking on the sidewalk and shouting “bang!”. Now this was simplistically funny to me but my friend Angela seemed to think that it was a terrible idea, one that would involve the fuzz (police) to become irate with us.

Comparing our two different reactions surprised me somewhat, it was one of the first instances where I realized a child-like action looks very very bad as an adult. In all probability we could’ve got picked up by the cops and had our intents questioned given the slew of school shootings that have taken place. Which is both ridiculous and somehow not surprising.

We live in a society that is scared of many things, and because there are so many people doing so many things, childish actions like these will most likely catch some activists eye and cause them to start propagating their concerns  all over the place like a loose fire hose thrashing about. I don’t know whether to be pissed off or to just accept the state of our society, because although such fear is ridiculous, it isn’t completely unfounded.

So do you think if you were driving in a car and someone started pointing their fingers at people and saying “bang”  you would be amused? Or might you be taken aback?