Mr. Bill George Presents

Cryptozoologists Unite!

In Science on September 13, 2009 at 12:46 PM

For most of my life, I have generally had my head in the clouds. I can recall many a time where a teacher has called upon me, snapping me back from my alternate reality as a dragon rider that I had just created in my head, to answer some banal question that is much less interesting. This most likely stems from my obsessive reading of science fiction/fantasy books as a youngster and also can said to be attributed to my insistence that mythological beasts either do exist, will exist, or did exist at some time.

The catalyst for this thought process was  an article I read recently reporting that two New Zealanders were trekking to the Gobi desert in search of proof of the Mongolian Death Worm. It has a flashy name I know, but its attributes are even more of an eyebrow raiser.

This fabled worm “is reported to look like the intestine of a cow. It is the subject of a number of extraordinary claims by Mongolian locals—such as the ability of the worm to spew forth sulfuric acid that, on contact, will turn anything it touches yellow and corroded (which would kill a human), and its purported ability to kill at a distance by means of electric discharge (from its arse).” according to Wikipedia. My first thought upon reading this was that this worm would make a badass Pokemon. I mean electricity, poison, AND earth properties? That would make a nice addition to my… er… hypothetical lineup.

Though no matter how much I might wish this creature exists, the reasoning portion of my brain tells me that a worm that shoots acid and lightning probably doesn’t exist, and if it did… well, then God help us all. Yet no matter how much my brain discounts the possibility of this creature’s existence, I find myself rooting for these two journalists to find it. Just as I wish the Loch monster might reveal itself one day and terrorize the local tourists, or that Big Foot would bring to fruition his revenge on the “Messin‘ with Sasquatch” crew for tarnishing his image, or that any of these bogus creatures could have some credibility, aside from crack pot monster-hunters and people like me who just want some mystery added to the world. The worst thing about those documentaries on “The Search for Bigfoot” or the Discovery show “River Monsters” is that if any of these fabled beasts were actually found it would be all over the news, not revealed in some syndicated TV show. Yet despite these facts, we watch anyway. Such is the power of mystique.

Of course, this all leads back to my childhood obsession with dragons. For if Bigfoot can exist, or if a lightning defecating acid vomiting worm can exist, then surely a flying, fire-spitting reptile can, or once did, exist. I must say that the animal mocumentary on dragons that was on Discovery awhile ago really put me in a state of ecstatic glee, though only on the inside. Otherwise my friends may have realized my brain has never matured past my early teen years. I mean is it really so much to ask to have a dragon as a best bud who sounds just like  Sean Connery like in Dragonheart?

But enough about my fascinations with cryptozoology, does anyone out there harbor that mad hope that some of these fabled creatures exist? Perhaps one that is more intriguing than the others? I would say the Loch Ness Monster would be the coolest in my opinion (aside from dragons of course). The idea of some relic hidden in a labyrinth of underwater caves, shying from the human eye is awesome. It’s too awesome to listen to reason. Therefore hope must take over in order to preserve that sense of wonderment that grows increasingly absent as we grow from children to adults.

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  1. Alakhazam could still beat it… Chalk me up for the same deal. I would love some more mystery in the world. Though I have to say, watching Planet Earth again recently convinced me that a great deal of mystery and awesomeness really is out there, it just happens to have more boring names.

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